you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
