It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
