we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
