You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
