He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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