I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
