I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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