Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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