Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
