Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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