I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
