I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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