Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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