yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
