i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
