member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
