dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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