my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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