whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
