I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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