I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
