no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A+ Viking dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
