Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
