Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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