Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
