sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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