I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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