I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
