I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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