billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
