I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
