I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
did i just pee glitter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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