All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
