He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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