dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
