Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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