allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
