we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
