So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
