does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
