wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
