I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
