I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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