i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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