the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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