I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
