u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i will never coherently bang her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
