So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
