Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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