my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
