I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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