Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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