U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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