I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently you make a good broom.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
