evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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